a year gone

My baby just turned one. Why does time fly! I have so many emotions going through me right now i don't know where to start. I think i should give you guys a little history about me and Sweet Pea. She was going to be my suprise but my DH wanted to know the sex so i gave in and at 24 weeks we found out we were having a girl. I was caught slightly off guard-i was expecting a boy :) I felt like life would be easier and more carefree if we had 2 boys? Boy have i learned my lesson. Sweet Pea has taught me that love is a process, it's not always instantaneous. Some of you know i've had 2 miscarriages and one loss being only about 6 weeks prior to getting pregnant with this precious child. I couldn't give into the complete joy of the pregnancy what if God decided to keep this child also. So for 9 months i carry this beautiful child, enjoying every minute, but not truly becoming attached. She arrives and for a couple of months i look at her and say "You're a girl". Not sure what i was thinking would happen. It's a little hard to admit but my bonding with sweet pea was a process and one that has amazed me. Anyone who knows sweet pea, knows that she is a mommy's girl. Despite my DH's best efforts she saves most of her snuggling for her mommy. Tonight i thank God for giving me a great year with this beautiful child who has taught me so much about life already. Thank you Lord for the crying, sleepless nights, and temper tandrums that we have and will endure, you have blessed us and i will always be greatfull for what we have. Children are life's greatest miracle.

Seeing friends express themselves through blogging has opened my eyes. I think I will truely enjoy expressing myself this way, hopefully finding a little release in all the day to day chaos. Right now each day revolves around Sweet Pea and Li. We take each chaotic moment in stride.