I love you Liey and Sweet Pea

I don't have skeletons in my closet as some would say. I never hide anything about my life and I tend to even tell some of my more personal moments as it could always relate to someone else's life. Reading other peoples indescretions, actually let's say moments of truth has gotten me through some of the more tougher aspects of my life. I've shared before about my previous miscarriages but right now I'm going to share what I went through emotionally. Yes I can be emotional just ask my husband, he's seen it. A very private side of me just because it's a side I don't tend to share with many, that's just me. I have experienced two miscarriages. One was tougher than the other for the simple fact that it occurred at 12 weeks and I had a D & C performed. I left the hospital that day, thankful that I had a son waiting for me at home but at the same time I questioned God. Why would he do this to anyone? Why would he allow his own to go through this pain? Why when I can provide an awesome home for one of his miracles? Unfortunately I will probably never get an answer to any of these questions, at least not on this earth. You see my four children, yes I consider myself to have four, my husband and I prayed for, cried for, and have experienced heartbreak for. You never get an answer that you want and even if that answer does come it never takes the pain away from the experience. Now since I have experienced such heartbreak, how does this play into my life? I hold a baby and it is a miracle, a blessing, a true gift from God, even if it isn't my own. I can say that my miscarriages have molded me to be the parent that I am. Am I a better parent than you? No. But I am a parent who doesn't get stressed over the small stuff! So what if my kids decided to shed their clothes and go swimming in the wheel barrel in the middle of winter. Just dry em off and bring em back in. I do not yell at my children, I have lost my cool a time or two yes, but I always gather it instantly and apologize to them. Don't get me wrong we discipline but not everything needs to be disciplined. My children are sweet, energetic, loving, and for the most part mind their manners. And my only goal in life, other than to teach the word of God, is to enjoy them. Because every time I look at their picture or see their smiling face, I remember the days of crying, heartbreak and sadness that my husband and I went through together in order to bring these two babies into this world. Each experience was different but each experience has made us the parents we are. I will never understand why people have to loose a child regardless of if he/she was just conceived or whether they are 40. All I know is it has been worth the heartache, the crying, oh and can I say the money to be able to raise and know God's most precious blessing.

18 month pictures

Li wanted his picture made-but he refused to smile.

By far this is my favorite and so her.

I took both kids to have their pictures made today. My goals was Sweet Pea's 18 month and then Christmas pics if she cooperated. I knew before we started that she was going to be uncooperative but she did give us a few good pictures. Li wanted his picture made but refused to smile, it still turned out adorable. However I still have to go back and get Christmas pictures-not looking forward to that but I always love the end result.

Seen and Heard:

Just a small note about our Sweet Pea growing up. She can now frequently say "Come on" with vigor i might add! She also has "Here Ya Go" down pat.

Halloween

I'm really glad Halloween is now over but we did have weeks of fun! We went to the pumpkin patch, mostly for pictures but we ended up with 4 pumpkins at home!

We also went to 3 trunk or treats, 1 fall festival, and an evening of trick or treating in the Luckie's neighborhood. Needless to say we have lots and lots of candy that will be making it's way to my work! Li was a handsome fireman and Sweet Pea was a lady bug. When we went to trick or treat in the Luckie's neighborhood, Li gets out of our car and says he is going to scare Mr. Brad and he puts on a werewolf mask that Chris brought with us. Needless to say Li ended up being the one scared. Mr. Brad came out of the bushes-thank Jesus i knew he was there otherwise we both would have been scared! Li told Brad he couldn't wear that in the house! And ever since he's been slightly skiddish of the dark? Hopefully it'll pass, he drew a dark picture of a monster at church today-of all places, maybe we left it at church!

Just my size.

I want this one!

Nanna's girl!

Enjoying the jumpies at the pumpkin patch

The handsome fireman.

My cute little lady bug.

Enjoying her candy!

Playhouse Disney

It has definitely been a while since I've posted hence the back to back I'm now having to do! We went to playhouse disney for sweet pea's sake, she loves mickey mouse clubhouse, but we all enjoyed ourselves. I'd be lying if I didn't say this: I was slightly disappointed, however mommy was expected a bigger reaction from my two children. On the way home I asked Li if he had fun and he told me he did. I said why didn't you smile. His response: I don't like smiling! I asked well what was sweet pea's problem. Big brother responded her was scared. Chris asked him if she told him that and he said no, I just know! Such a good big brother. Wish he would have told us that so we could have comforted those fears!

See what I mean-he does not look thrilled to be there!

Bribed with a toy?

Checking out Minnie Mouse.

MMMM I love Minnie!

Fair

We took the kids to the fair with Josie and Jolie. I totally did not know what to expect and was quite surprised that Li wanted to ride everything, even the big kid rides. However sweet pea started crying after we exited the car. Not a surprise she does not like loud noises! After a few minutes of cuddling with mommy and some gentle persuasion she calmed down and went back in the stroller where she seemed to enjoy her afternoon. She did seem slightly left out since she wasn't old enough to ride anything. But all in all we had a great afternoon.

He doesn't like cotton candy! I am one proud mommy, that has to be like the worst food ever.

Sweet Pea watching from the sidelines, she still managed a smile.

A mother's Amusement

As a mother it doesn't take much to amuse me. My children are my entertainment and being a mother is my greatest accomplishment in life. I pride myself on my children's eating habits. Chris and I always said we would not cook 2 meals; 1 for us and 1 for our children and to this date we haven't. My kids will eat almost anything; it's awesome! I always have fresh fruits and veggies on hand for them, they vary from week to week but there is something fresh and healthy in our fridge, always. This is why my food budget is outrageous, why would you charge so much for something so healthy-it makes no sense to me but what's a mom to do. Each week I mull through the produce section, typically buying what's on sale or what I know my kids want everyday. We always have grapes, apples, usually strawberries, salad, and carrots. This week I decided to buy tomatoes for our hamburgers. I usually forget these just because I'm not a huge tomato eater, I do like them but I'm not going to eat them by themselves. My children have a different outlook on tomatoes. Sweet Pea saw me walking through the kitchen with a plum tomato and she proceeds to climb my leg and jibber jabber the entire time. Obviously explaining to me why I should give her this beautiful tomato NOW! Because the jibber soon turned to screams. This sent my 3 year old running, afraid he's going to miss the chaos, in which time he proceeds to stuff his face with the freshly sliced tomatoes that I was preparing to give his sister. I took this moment to look at how deprived my children were! Mas chaos over a small veggie, yes they may cost $2.50 a piece but hey what are kids for. I must now figure out how to explain that we are entering "winter" and the fresh fruits and veggies just don't taste as well. I wonder if they care?

Hunting Season

Hunting should never be a title for anything of mine, however I have two wonderful guys who love this sport-Is it a sport? Anywho, hunting season is fast approaching and my life this winter will be ever changing! Not really but I do want to give some props to my dear husband. Chris and I have known each other over half my life, 16 years, we've been married 7 years and he is the love of my life, my best friend. Seeing him blossom into a father has truely made my cup runneth over. You see fishing and hunting are 2 things he has always enjoyed and I've just kind of accepted the fact that during winter; life would be missing Chris quite frequently, he's always been a little selfish when it comes to the hunting thing. Fortunately for Chris our 3 year old son is into the whole fishing/hunting stuff. Last year Chris took him hunting 1 of the 3 times he got to go and they shot a deer! Chris wanted to take him every time he went, but other hunting companions differed! I've always thought in Chris' mind he would always think, 'when am I going to get to go hunting' but I've learned he's actually thinking 'when am I going to get to take Li hunting'. This is his main focus, a loving father who wants to share the joy of the sport with his son at every opportunity. It overjoys my heart to know that Chris has grown to be such a great father who wants to make his children happy, even if that means his life may miss opportunities. For our son's opportunities my DH is performing sweat equity at a hunting club! He did the same thing last year however opportunities did not blossom. You should always be able to trust someone's word, that is what we are taught, but it's amazing how little that means to some people these days. My wonderful husband has taken certain moments in stride, but he ceases to amaze me, he is ever changing and growing, and I can honestly say that I am very proud that he is less passive than in the past. He's grown tired of being "used" and has made vast changes in our life recently, so far for the good. As life is ever changing I do see more in our future, some may be heart wrenching, some difficult, but sometimes you just have to let go and live life and be happy because God and your family are the most important things that life has to offer.

Seen and Heard:

3 year olds are so intuitive. It makes our life so interesting/entertaining. Li just explained to me how he was born-the 3 year old version. Amazingly he was quite accurate-kind of. He got to experience Sweet Peas c-section and the stressful recovery that followed (no he wasn't in the delivery room but he laid beside me everyday my mom had to pack my incision). In his eyes all babies are cut out of the belly by the doctor. A much easier explanation than the "normal" version. Out of the blue this morning he tells me that he was in my belly and would run down to my knees and then the doctor cut him out and gave me a new belly! Well I definitely got a new belly alright!

Seen and Heard:

I've stollen this from someone else's blog, but it is such a cute idea, I can't resist. Kids are notorious for entertaining mainly there parents or parents to other children. That's why we have them right? Well I sometimes think that Li is the most hilarious child out there, however I do have two nieces (by adopted friendship, blah, blah, it doesn't matter these could be my own children kind of nieces) that can pretty much out funny Li any day. I routinely tell Li -"You crack me up!" Simply meaning you make me laugh, right. Well the other day he did something or said something funny and I said, "You make me laugh", in which he replies, "No mommy, I make you crack!"

Here we Go!

I love that my children are growing up. It is very sad but at the same time so much fun. Well we are beginning our journey into childhood with preschool and trying not to overload on extra curricular activities. We will be starting with gymnastics. Li starts tomorrow and he is so excited, I can't wait, I may be more excstatic than he is. DH and I wanted to do soccer this year also but he's really not old enough, which is fine because I'm sure once spring hits, we will definitely be t-balling it. Preschool is loading us with activities for the rest of year, starting with the cornmaze in a few short weeks. My neice's second birthday-Wow i remember the day she was born like it was one of my own! Who can believe it's Halloween! Li says he will be a fireman, I better go purchase that outfit! Then we will have Wetumpka's tree lighting and Eclectic's parade, oh my! I've got to fit shopping for Christmas and Thanksgiving in there somewhere. My dad is concerned about pushing him into activites, my philosophy-he will never know if he likes it unless he tries it. On second thought maybe Poppy should be concerned about mommy overload. Of course if he doesn't want to play or participate then we will definitely allow him to stop but he seems so excited about each adventure, which overjoys me. He is such a mess now. He told Chris the other day that "I am angry" with his hands on his hips-I'm sure he wasn't getting his way!

My Sweet Pea

My sweet pea turned 15 months on the 23rd. Why does this seem like such a big deal? Why does her delivery feel like it just happened oh i don't know a few months ago? Maybe because i'm almost 30 now. My hubby turns 33 in just a few short days-can't even imagine how fast his days are flying by, especially since he is so much older than me! Lol Chris. Sweet pea had her check up yesterday and everything is perfect. She weighed 23 lb 8oz (50 %) and is 33 3/4 inches long (97 %), all of this is on the girl growth chart for all my moms to boys only! She's acheived all of her benchmarks and can speak better than is necessary at this age, demonstrated to the pediatrician by mimicing the word attitude, meaning she has to much! We went on vacation- a mini one thank goodness a few weeks ago and Li loved the beach, sweet pea not so much. Probably had something to do with the fact that the water chases you.

a date to remember

Two years ago today I learned how powerful aspirin would be in my life. It's not just for old people! However it was also the worst day of my life-so far. My husband and I went in for our 12 week OB appointment to learn that our baby no longer had a heartbeat. We had an ultrasound at about 8 weeks and everything seemed fine with the exception of my low progesterone, so the Dr. put me on supplements. Instead of waiting to see what my body would do I opted for a D & C, I didn't think I could wait days or weeks knowing and nothing happening. The one thing that came out of it was a diagnoses that related my sons birth to my now two miscarriages. Li was born at 37 weeks (with a little help of modern medicine) and he only weighed 4 lb 15 oz. So tiny for a 37 weeker, his delivery was a c-section due to preeclampsia and his being breech. He was in the NICU for 2 weeks, had to be ventilated and he had to learn how to eat. Our questions went completely unanswered, we had no idea why Li was so small nor why I had blood pressure problems. 2 years ago we got our answer and to save you from the long medical terms, my blood was thicker than normal, therefore he wasn't getting the nutrients he needed and my placenta was clotting with my miscarriages. We would try a baby aspirin and if that didn't work there is a shot that you can take to help. Li was and is our miracle baby, a lot of babies born to moms with this condition die in utero. Also the baby aspirin works, I took it with Sweet Pea, absolutely no problems and she was a healthy 7 lb 2 oz. But today will always be a day of mourning and triumph. I mourn for the babies that I will not get to meet in this life but I triumph for the two children that God has blessed me with.

4th of July

We had a pretty good fourth of July. the only excited thing we did other than eat was go to Lake Martin. Li loved the fireworks we were the loud family that talked all the way through them-OOHH look at the blue one DID YOU SEE THAT MOMMY! Thirty minutes worth of screaming at mommy. Sweet Pea hugged the pillow the entire time-not sure if she was scared or if she was just tired. Chris picked her up close to the end and she said "wow". No excitement though. All in all we had fun-still working on the cabinets so we were pretty much stuck at home. We have a much anticipated trip to Orange Beach in a couple of weeks-i can't wait there is nothing more precious than seeing little ones walk across the white sand for the first time.

On our way to see the fireworks-they conked out on us

At least he was excited after he woke up!

Daddy's excited!

renovation

I think i am addicted to home renovations. During both of my pregnancy's we took on large painting remodeling something expeditions. Just something about being pregnant that makes me want to remodel :) My husband usually humors me and we go for it. Chris and I are complete opposites in so many ways. Today i realized how awesome that is. He is a little OCD, anal, perfectionist, whichever word you choose for i can't move on with life until this is perfect. This tiny trait gets on my nerves more than occassionaly but today he sat in a chair with some stripper, a sander, and our cabinet doors until each one was perfect. He is so awesome i would have just sanded a little and went with it. Actually i probably would have just went with it. But i now I have beautiful mahogany cabinets thanks to my dear husband. He can be as OCD as he wants-I love you Chris.

summer

Why is summer so hot? I don't normally complain about my job but I have been in the elements this week-tromping through the woods, getting bit by bugs. It is miserable, if i can't be on the lake or by a pool I don't think i'll go outside. On a lighter note my kids are awesome. Sweet Pea is walking and she is so sweet. She is finally getting a little hair and i love the snuggling. I'm starting to get that i miss my little baby stage. Oh well-hubby says move on through it, can't have another for at least a year anyway! Plus we need a bigger house. There are way to many emotions that run through a woman. I'll be the first to admit-i never know what i really want and i usually change my mind half way through the decision. Li is being such a boy but he is also so sweet. I have raised a nudist at this point. I don't get it he hates clothes. Thank the lord we live off the road and only family sees his no no. Oh well maybe he'll grow out of it-don't they usually?

I'm addicted

I have never beem addicted to anything until i had children. I love pictures and I spend lots of money on them, they are one of my greatest weaknesses. Here are some of sweet peas 1year pics and Li had to have his made also. By the way, the motorcycle, tatoo thing is so not us.

a year gone

My baby just turned one. Why does time fly! I have so many emotions going through me right now i don't know where to start. I think i should give you guys a little history about me and Sweet Pea. She was going to be my suprise but my DH wanted to know the sex so i gave in and at 24 weeks we found out we were having a girl. I was caught slightly off guard-i was expecting a boy :) I felt like life would be easier and more carefree if we had 2 boys? Boy have i learned my lesson. Sweet Pea has taught me that love is a process, it's not always instantaneous. Some of you know i've had 2 miscarriages and one loss being only about 6 weeks prior to getting pregnant with this precious child. I couldn't give into the complete joy of the pregnancy what if God decided to keep this child also. So for 9 months i carry this beautiful child, enjoying every minute, but not truly becoming attached. She arrives and for a couple of months i look at her and say "You're a girl". Not sure what i was thinking would happen. It's a little hard to admit but my bonding with sweet pea was a process and one that has amazed me. Anyone who knows sweet pea, knows that she is a mommy's girl. Despite my DH's best efforts she saves most of her snuggling for her mommy. Tonight i thank God for giving me a great year with this beautiful child who has taught me so much about life already. Thank you Lord for the crying, sleepless nights, and temper tandrums that we have and will endure, you have blessed us and i will always be greatfull for what we have. Children are life's greatest miracle.

Seeing friends express themselves through blogging has opened my eyes. I think I will truely enjoy expressing myself this way, hopefully finding a little release in all the day to day chaos. Right now each day revolves around Sweet Pea and Li. We take each chaotic moment in stride.