I love you Liey and Sweet Pea

I don't have skeletons in my closet as some would say. I never hide anything about my life and I tend to even tell some of my more personal moments as it could always relate to someone else's life. Reading other peoples indescretions, actually let's say moments of truth has gotten me through some of the more tougher aspects of my life. I've shared before about my previous miscarriages but right now I'm going to share what I went through emotionally. Yes I can be emotional just ask my husband, he's seen it. A very private side of me just because it's a side I don't tend to share with many, that's just me. I have experienced two miscarriages. One was tougher than the other for the simple fact that it occurred at 12 weeks and I had a D & C performed. I left the hospital that day, thankful that I had a son waiting for me at home but at the same time I questioned God. Why would he do this to anyone? Why would he allow his own to go through this pain? Why when I can provide an awesome home for one of his miracles? Unfortunately I will probably never get an answer to any of these questions, at least not on this earth. You see my four children, yes I consider myself to have four, my husband and I prayed for, cried for, and have experienced heartbreak for. You never get an answer that you want and even if that answer does come it never takes the pain away from the experience. Now since I have experienced such heartbreak, how does this play into my life? I hold a baby and it is a miracle, a blessing, a true gift from God, even if it isn't my own. I can say that my miscarriages have molded me to be the parent that I am. Am I a better parent than you? No. But I am a parent who doesn't get stressed over the small stuff! So what if my kids decided to shed their clothes and go swimming in the wheel barrel in the middle of winter. Just dry em off and bring em back in. I do not yell at my children, I have lost my cool a time or two yes, but I always gather it instantly and apologize to them. Don't get me wrong we discipline but not everything needs to be disciplined. My children are sweet, energetic, loving, and for the most part mind their manners. And my only goal in life, other than to teach the word of God, is to enjoy them. Because every time I look at their picture or see their smiling face, I remember the days of crying, heartbreak and sadness that my husband and I went through together in order to bring these two babies into this world. Each experience was different but each experience has made us the parents we are. I will never understand why people have to loose a child regardless of if he/she was just conceived or whether they are 40. All I know is it has been worth the heartache, the crying, oh and can I say the money to be able to raise and know God's most precious blessing.